even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
