i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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