if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize