I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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