U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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