FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
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