My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
