There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
