If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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