he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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