You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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