WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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