She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
