There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
