went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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