Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
