i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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