last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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