Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
