Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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