Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
that may or may not have been my penis.
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