paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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