I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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