Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Randomize
