I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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