The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
