I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
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