for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
