The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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