Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
