that's an acceptable place to lick
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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