Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
