if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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