no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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