i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
