there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize