a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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