what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
