The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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