your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
