There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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