I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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