At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
