The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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