Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
