She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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