told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
