First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
