I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
