So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
