Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
