why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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