i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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