I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
