I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
