She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
