So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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