Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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