I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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