I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
