I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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