We're like a lot better than the average bears
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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