Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
