My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
