Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
