I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
