Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
