i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
